Graphics? Simply stunning. It’s almost indistinguishable from watching a hockey game on television.

Gameplay? Top notch. The new and improved CEO mode features 137 additional features oveer NHL ’49, now allowing you to control everything from hot dog and alcohol prices, to the amount of toilet paper in your arena’s washrooms (less toilet paper = angry fans = more chance of entering the ‘after game riot’ mode). In game fights have also been improved, offering you more control than ever, while still keeping the controls simple.

Controls? They have finally made it simple again. Gone are the days where you needed to use individual joysticks to control your players legs independently, while trying to press another three button combination to attempt a feeble wrist shot. Neotronic Arts has taken it back about 60 years, and uses four buttons and a joystick. Pass, shoot, hit, and speed burst. It’s all you need, and it works flawlessly. I don’t know why they’ve been trying to make the game so complex and difficult to control, when all they needed to do was make it simple.

I’ll give this game 4.5 stars out of 5. If Neotronic Arts had eliminated those pesky Toronto Maple Leafs, it would have been a 5. Also, all the in game advertisements for the “New Dodge” get pesky. I never thought they’d make it back after that automobile industry crunch, but I guess they did!

It’s a Wonderful Life: 2046 is not a sequel to 1946′s It’s a Wonderful Life. The two films have absolutely nothing to do with each other, and I suspect that the producers of the new film simply wanted to have some name recognition, and could do so because of the new copyright laws that are in place.

Starring up and coming star Johnny Hilohanuff, the movie is an atrocity form the beginning. Taking place before The Incident, the entire film takes place outdoors, without any kind of protection on the skin. Where they not thinking about the children? What if people begin to get the wrong idea, and start going outside? Whoever thought of this film was simply careless.

You may be asking why I haven’t spoke about the plot yet. Well, there isn’t really any sort of storyline or plot. Nothing actually happens in this movie. It is simply Johnny Hilohanuff prancing around town for two hours. For those older readers, you may recall a show called The Hills about 40 years ago on the national music television station. It is very similar to that show: horrible acting, cyclical actions and arguments, and leaves you with a feeling that you’ve just wasted the last 30 minutes/ 2 hours of your life.

This film officially gets zero starts out of five. I’m glad I don’t have to pay to go see these movie screenings, or else I’d be demanding my $46 admission back.

Here it is. The secret to fine dining. The be-all and end-all for making food good:

Presentation is everything.

If you make a dish look good, people will think it actually is good.

Burn the chicken? Don’t worry about it. Slap some sauce on it to cover the black and stack it nicely across a salad and no one will notice. Is your pasta over-cooked and drab-looking? Toss on some parsley. No one will know the difference.

The commandments of good presentation are as follows:

1. Thou shalt stack as high as possible. This gives the illusion of more food.
2. Thou shalt stack in the middle of the plate. This gives the illusion of control.
3. Thou shalt use as many colours as possible. This gives the illusion of variety.
4. Thou shalt wipe the edges of the plate. This gives the illusion of control, again, and improves the look of the plating immensely. Without doing it, your dish will look sloppy and, by that, less tasty. I can’t say I understand it, but it works.
5. Thou shalt dribble/scatter small, clever-looking things over the food. Parsley is a classic. Chocolate on cheese cake is another. Take an ordinary, boring piece of cheesecake out of a box. Place it in the middle of a plate, wave some chocolate across it and flick a little icing sugar over top…you’ve got a gourmet meal.

And you say, fine, smarty pants, but how does this apply to me?

Well, think about it. Your new girlfriend is coming over, and you want to impress her with your cooking skills, but, oh, no, wait, all you’ve got is rat meat and cockroaches. Dice up the legs to use as garnish. Stack the cockroaches in the centre of the plate, and lay the rat meat overtop. Toss the legs around the plate lightly to give it a layered look, and bam, you’ve got yourself one impressive meal.

That’s right, we’re talking about heat-resistant semi-intelligent mould, called Neurospora callidus by the scientists, Intellislime by the marketers, and Billy by the farmers.

Now you might be wondering, “How can mould grow when things are so damn hot?” Let me tell you, son, the days of wet mould are gone with the cows. This mould is a type of organism what we dun call an extremophile. Just as the name sounds, it grows in nasty weather, which we have a metric ton of.

On top of that, it’s smart. By some freak accident, it’s become self-aware, and knows where and when to expand. So you’re not only investing in a renewable food source, but, in a way, you are promoting the propagation of a new, free-thinking species. Once it develops language, it can tell you how to better grow it. Just buy the starter kit and watch your investment grow into tasty, creative being.

You may be concerned with the ethics of eating an intelligent being, but let me tell you, it has no discernible nervous system, therefore cannot feel pain. Plus, it’s a dog eat dog world now, and we’ve got the upper hand. Here’s to hoping there’s no slime revolution.

Though the atmosphere is great, the food does leave one wanting, since, well, as the name implies, it’s bits of anything. I’d stay away from the casserole. I think it just moved.

My friend ordered the Bits’ Bites, which turned out to be just a collection of different sizes of button mushrooms. Better than the casserole, though.

The service is nothing to sneeze at, although the barista could use a little cover-up to hide her sunburns.

Remember those days when you’d lurch from bar to bar on the strip, starting out semi-sober at a restaurant, upgrading to a club, then stumbling into a pizzeria to pop piping hot pepperoni pizza into your gaping pickled maw? Well, this place is all of those places in one, a luxury in a world cramped by the recent climatic catastrophe.

You start off the night like the hep cat you are, waltzing in (perhaps, if you’re lucky) with a pretty partner and a group of well-groomed goons. You order a plate of Mike’s Perfect Poached Potatoes ($17, comes with fries) gussied up with a pinch of parsley and paired with a nice potato potable. You laugh, you drink, you eat, you order something decadent for your partner (try the Chocolate Potato Cake, $15).

The night progresses. Around 10, the lights dim, and it goes from dinin’ to dancin’, and you supplement your vivacious mood with a sharp Fraustadt (a Mike’s vodka specialty, $6).

Six to twenty drinks later, you’ve struck out for the tenth time in a row, and it’s time to drown your sorrows with a slice of Potato Pizza ($2.50, starts getting served at 1:00am). If you’re real lucky, you could be buying two slices, one for you and one for your newfound friend. Then it’s back to the ol’ dusty hole in the ground for a bite of Mike’s Take Home Taters ($3.00 plus wrapping costs), and a little…conversation, which could be helped along by Mike’s Magic Moonshine, sold by the quart out back ($20 bucks a pop).

Vancouver Canucks

My perennial favourites, the Canucks are looking. Anchored by the Sedin pentuplets, Daniel Jr, Henrik Jr, Mats, Magnus, and Johan, the Canucks are coming off a tough Stanley Cup loss to the Texas Bandits last year. Kirk McLean III is back in net this year, looking to improve upon his highly successful rookie season. The Canucks were quite quiet in the off-season, saying that they were confident in their team’s abilities. Will it be enough?

San Jose LaserSharks

The LaserSharks had a decent season last year, and made some huge improvements in the off season. The acquisition of Waynio Lemieuetzky was a brilliant move. Bred from the two greatest hockey players of the past 60 years, will be encounter the severe fatigue problems he had last year? Only time will tell. Otherwise, they may not be the most talented team, but they definitely make up for it in heart and effort.

The league is still trying to stay afloat, despite the harsh consequences of The Incident. The NHL Player’s Association does deserve some recognition this year, for mediating the whole contract and salary cap dispute. Players will now earn at least 60 million per year, and no more than 99 million. This cut of 80% is due to the lack of ticket revenue, since games are now only on television. Let’s hope this year is successful, and here is to many more great years to come!

Interior decorating is an opportunity to let your personality shine through in your living space, for all your new houseguests to see (and envy).  The way you decorate a room makes all the difference in the way you feel when you’re in it, and certain colours and pieces of furniture can make a space calming and cozy or energetic and passionate.

Decorating can be expensive, however, especially when you’re doing a whole new apartment (believe me).  Luckily, the new trends in interior decorating seem to be gearing towards more affordable options.

Natural materials such as wood, bamboo, and cotton have become extremely scarce since 2047, and have therefore become extremely covetable – and expensive – materials to have in your home.  Natural pieces should be interspersed throughout the home as accents to the rest of the room, as they will class up the joint a little.

For the majority of the furniture, go for plastic, vinyl, glass, stainless steel – anything that can be manufactured.  The place should have an updated 1960′s mod asthetic to it, but updated for the 2050′s.  In addition to clean lines and clean fabrics, include LOTS of colour.  Hey, there’s none outside, so you might as well bring it in, right?

Alright, now I have to go move some more boxes.

Who would have thought that fifty years ago this place would be as great as it is today?  I remember the days when only scientists and researchers inhabited this place.

After a week stay I figured out that the appeal of this continent is the fact that it’s a good break from the hot urban life.  Because of 2047, literally the whole continent melted, and is now almost comparable to an arctic haven.   Everywhere you look is water and some patches of ice, and its so refreshing on the senses, specially the eyes.  Temperatures are on average 10 to 15 degrees Celsius and winds are a light breeze.  I am told that during the months of May to August very little sun, if any, is out.

Major vacation companies such Expedia and Intrawest have set up shop here already and have bolstered the continent’s formerly non-existent tourism industry.  What was formerly a cold dessert is suddenly feeling a shot of life both literally and figuratively.  If only I could stay here forever!!!

The best way to get your fruits and veggies is to grow them yourself in an indoor garden.  This will be much cheaper in the long run, even if the initial cost of the heating lamp and building the soil box seem a little steep.  These supplies aren’t hard to find- as more and more people have started to grow their own produce, more and more stores have started selling the lamps at a lower price.  Most heat lamps you can buy will have different settings for whatever kind of plant you’re growing, so you don’t need to worry about buying 12 different lamps for each different vegetable.

Seeds are available at most grocery stores.  You can find seeds for most common vegetables in stores, but there are also internet delivery services available that will send you more seeds every so often, and also offer rarer crops

The seed packets should have printed on them which setting you should set your heat lamp to, as well as how often you need to water them, etc etc.

now, the question you all obviously have in mind: “what do i wear now that i’m a big shot gardening machine?      answer: vintage shops have lots of old clothes from when people could actually garden outside.  seems people used to love broad-brimmed hats, overalls, and these really strange shoes called “Crocs”